Mid-life Crisis

Recently I took a test on mental age. The one I’ve taken for over 3 times.

I still remember the results for the last 2 times. The first time I took it, when I was freshman. Result was 36. And 2 years later, it’s 38 the second time. Now, it shows I’m 45 years old in mental.

I don’t feel surprised for that because it’s reasonably fastening me sophisticated during a year’s social life and work experience. The only one thing I don’t know is that in the coming 2 years, still how much I’ll grow?

I saw another Cage-leading film, Adaptation. At the beginning, there is a voice-over by Nico, telling the true feeling from a middle-aged man’s inside. I retype these down to share with you.

"Do I have an original thought in my head? My bald head?

"Maybe if I were happier, my hair wouldn't be falling out.

"Life is short.

"I need to make the most of it. Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

"I’m a walking cliché.

"I really need to go to the doctor and have my leg checked. There’s something wrong. A bump.

"The dentist called again. I’m way overdue. If I stopped putting things off, I’d be happier.

"All I do is sitting on my fat ass. If my ass wasn't fat, I’d be happier.

"I wouldn't have to wear these shirts with the tails out all the time. Like’s fooling anyone.

"Fat ass.

"I should start jogging again. Five miles a day. Really do it this time. Maybe rock climbing.

"I need to turn my life around. What do I need to do?

"I need to fall in love. I need to have a girlfriend.

"I need to read more, improve myself. What if I learned Russian or something? Or took up an instrument? I could speak Chinese. I would be the screenwriter who speaks Chinese. And plays the oboe. That would be cool.

"I should get my hair cut short. Stop trying to fool everyone into thinking I have a full head of hair.

"How pathetic is that?

"Just be real. Confident. Isn’t that women are attracted to? Men don't have to be attractive.

"But that's not true, especially these days. Almost as much pressure on men as there is on women these days.

"Why should I be made to feel I have to apologize for my existence? Maybe it's my brain chemistry. Maybe that's what's wrong with me: bad chemistry. All my problems and anxiety can be reduced to a chemical imbalance or some kind of misfiring synapses. I need to get help for that. But I’ll still be ugly, though.

"Nothing’s gonna change that."